When we are little, at school they teach us about communication. I remember that the teacher taught us that ineffective communication there ...
When we are little, at school they teach us about communication. I remember that the teacher taught us that ineffective communication there were two participants: the sender and the receiver. The sender is the person who expresses a message, the other is the receiver, who receives it.
Of course, there are other important factors in the act of communicating as well. For example, the medium used to convey the message is important; if you use a letter, a telephone or live voice. You also have to keep in mind the language that is used and -of course- the context of the situation. With this in mind, it seems that we are all adept at communicating, but honestly, we don't know how to do it.
It is enough to remember a moment in our lives where we felt when speaking with a partner or a relative, that we were talking to a wall. It is terrible that this happens because what happens is that when we feel that they do not attend to us, we distance ourselves.
The truth is that knowing how to listen to the other is as important as knowing how to say what we feel or think about something. The situation is that in most cases we do not know how to express ourselves, much less listen. Basically, lacking these skills makes us emotionally illiterate.
What is it to be emotionally illiterate?
Basically, an emotional illiterate is someone who does not know how to put their emotions into words. I know it reads awful, but it's very much tied to a lack of emotional intelligence. Fortunately, it is an aspect that can be changed to improve our quality of social life.
We all need to be heard. Sometimes we want to complain about something that didn't go well; other times what we seek is to say what we feel. It feels good to know that someone with a gesture or a hug responded to what you said; however, it is painful when you talk to someone and notice that the other person is like in another world.
In my case, it bothers me a lot to feel like I'm talking to a wall. My attitude to that situation is to distance myself or get angry. I have noticed that immediately who -supposedly listened to me- realizes my attitude and tries to correct themselves. Of course, because I know that it is horrible that this happens to one, what I always try to do is listen to what they tell me.
Fortunately, knowing how to listen to someone, understand what they say and know how to express what you think is something you can develop.
How do you imply that you are a good listener?
When we talk to other people, what we do is react and intervene according to what they tell us. We can perceive their gestures, how their eyes move, their eyebrows, their mouth, and depending on what is said, they undoubtedly listen to us. The same is true in reverse, and knowing that we are being listened to is a priceless feeling of understanding.
Signs that we don't know how to listen
There are several, and it is possible that you have expressed some or they have sent you that desperate message of attention.
A person who yells when he is talking to you does so because he feels that you are more attentive to other things and that you are not listening. Yelling is a call for help for attention.
Interrupt the other
Uff! happens daily. You try to tell an anecdote or something curious, and suddenly they interrupt you to tell something similar that happened. His voice is so loud and his demeanour so commanding that you turn off and simply get discouraged. The truth is that you do not want to pay attention to what counts.
It's all about you (him or her)
Hand in hand with the previous point. You say, for example, that your boss is a real nightmare and everything changes. They interrupt you and that person's situation is worse than yours; he or she suffers more or endures more. That is, it is always the centre of attention.
No exchange of words
If there is a true feeling of helplessness, it is the one that arises when someone talks, but the person they are supposed to talk to does not respond. He is there in the present body, but his attention is in another world. To confirm your suspicions, you ask him something that makes him "land", but he has no idea what you said. It really is terrible to feel that way.
They are quick to judge and guess
People who are bad listeners are very light in giving their opinions about something; furthermore, they like to suppose. The reality is that they are not afraid to give their opinion freely even if they only have scraps of information.
Let's face it, the last thing someone needs when trusting something is to be criticized. What is wanted is that they listen not that they criticize and less that they suppose things that are not.
Not knowing how to listen is not having an interest in the other
Cruel but true, or at least that's what it feels like.
Any relationship that involves affection progressively deteriorates if the parties are not interested in the other. And how else do you show interest in someone you love? Well, knowing how to listen and express.
Some people may think that I limit the importance of other aspects such as details and displays of affection; however, I am sure that many women and men would exchange a good dinner or a diamond ring for a moment of good communication.
The reality is that many friendships deteriorate because friends are never there when you need to talk to someone. Many marriages end because there is no good understanding. And how do you get a good understanding of the couple? Well, being willing to talk and listen.
It also happens in parent-child relationships. They talk about the quality of the relationship and not time, and it is true. What people want more than hours of time together is quality in the relationship; This means being heard and understood. Knowing how to listen to the other is a show of true affection.